


I am the 1920s--What?--The Great Depression

by birdybirdnerd



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Depression, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Pre-Slash, Romance if you squint, i havent decided yet, might just be good friends, or maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 06:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11178621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdybirdnerd/pseuds/birdybirdnerd
Summary: Heinz hasn't been this quiet in awhile. Perry worries.





	I am the 1920s--What?--The Great Depression

**Author's Note:**

> okay so 1- i think that title is fuckin hilarious. im so smart. i stole it from a tumblr post
> 
> ANyways
> 
> yeah here i am throwing some Hot PnF Fanfic at ya bc at this point?? who knows what fandoms im gonna write for. and yeah its the fuckin platypus and the evil scientist yall can eat my ass. at least i made the platypus a human
> 
> so yea enjoy this self indulgent shit bc im going thru some shit and needed hugs so i gave them to someone else. fictionally. 
> 
> ..
> 
> whatever

When a good week had passed since the last time Perrin Fletcher had heard from his nemesis, he started to worry.

Perry often worried about Heinz. With his constant antics, dangerous and dangerously malfunctioning machines, and aura of general chaos about him, it wasn’t hard. He was a very worrisome man.

But this was different. He was never so silent, so withdrawn. Perry was called on a near-daily basis to deal with him, with maybe a day or two between crazy inventions if it was a particularly complex one. And of course, every Saturday off, as per an agreement he and Heinz had made years ago. It made their lives easier. But that still didn’t answer the question of why he hadn’t pinged OWCA’s radar in so long.

Monday morning, as the boys and Candace were eating a hurried breakfast before school, he slipped out the door and whipped his fedora onto his head. Pressing a small indent on the side of the house, he hopped into the revealed tube and slid down to his base underneath the suburban house.

The lights flickered on as his presence was made known. The familiar figure of Carl walked on screen, glancing at Perry as he situated himself in his seat. He cocked his head curiously at the secret agent.

“What’s up?” Carl asked. “We didn’t call you down here. Do you have something to report?”

Perry nodded.

“Well, you’re gonna have to report to me. Major Monogram took this unexpected absence of activity as an opportunity to catch up on 'paperwork'. He’s at home right now, taking the day away from the offices to do so. I would be home too, but I have to finish cleaning his office before I can go.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Sir always leaves me to do his chores.”

_Actually_ , Perry signed, catching Carl’s drifting attention by waving before he continued. _What I’m here for is related to that._

“What, Monogram’s office?”

Perry closed his eyes. _No_ , he tried again. _Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s sudden disappearance_.

“Oh, that!” Carl laughed. “Yeah, it’s kind of a relief to have him off the radar for so long. Less work, more time to focus on the actual threats OWCA faces. And I bet you’re relieved to have some time off, aren’t ya?”

Perry shook his head, irritated with how easily Carl was dismissing his concerns. _He’s never this quiet. He’s always doing something, even if it’s just to let us know he’s there. I’m getting…_ He almost said ‘worried’, but settled on, _suspicious_.

Carl harrumphed. “Well, it’s not my place to give you orders, but if it bothers you so much, why not just go check on him? And when you see he’s just, like, watching soaps or something, minding his own business for once, you’ll feel better and can go back to relaxing like the rest of us. Or at least those of us who don’t have to clean offices.”

Perry glanced to the side, thinking. He rubbed his chin, then nodded. _Sounds like a good idea. Thank you._

“Any time, Agent P!” Carl sauntered offscreen, and the screen went dark.

Perry stood, checking his watch. It was creeping on eight in the morning. Close enough to the time Heinz usually wakes up, so that it wouldn’t be weird. Or, as weird. Showing up uninvited and without reason to your worst enemy’s house was undoubtably weird. He hopped in his hovercar and ascended through a hatch in the ceiling.

The flight across the city was uneventful, as per usual, but gave him plenty of time to think. By the time he arrived, Perry had pretty much convinced himself this trip was for nothing. Heinz was probably doing what Carl had said, enjoying life, taking some time off, and Perry’s arrival was only going to ruin that. He almost turned back, but before he could, the Ferb-shaped building came into view, and his resolve hardened.

He landed in a nearby alley, activating the disguiser on his vehicle, and walked up to the building. Since this was more a house visit rather than a regular thwarting, he figured it’d be polite to use the door. Knocking was out of the question, just in case Dr. D was doing something nefarious, so he used his spare key given to him a few months ago and let himself in, closing the door silently behind himself.

Nothing greeted him at the door. No traps, no triplines, no Heinz. Perry stepped forward cautiously just in case, but nothing changed. He remained free, and his suspicions remained high.

It was quiet. _Too_ quiet.

He tiptoed his way towards the main area of the lab, glancing every which way, keeping an eye out for the good doctor. When he got there, he noticed that the -inator from their last fight was still in pieces, scattered across the vast floor. He nudged a cable with his shoe, wondering why Heinz hadn’t cleaned up yet. It had been a week.

Finally, some noise made itself known. Slight, muffled sobbing echoed its way through the lab, coming from the direction of Heinz’s bedroom. Perry was immediately on guard, worry spiking through him. Who was crying in Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s home, and why? Was it Heinz himself, and again, _why?_

He snuck his way towards the door, striving to make as little sound as possible. The crying grew louder the closer he got to the door. He pushed it open gently and was met with a saddening sight.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz was curled up on his bed, wrinkled sheets pooled about his waist, head between his knees, sobbing his heart out. It was almost childish, the way he was positioned, as if he were scared of the world and trying to keep it out by curling tighter. His shoulders shook with the force of his agony, wracked with tears as he was.

Perry gasped, and it must have been heard, as Heinz’s head shot up at the sound.

“P-Perry the Platypus!” he shouted, scrambling to wipe his face with the sheets tangled around his legs and get up from the bed at the same time. It resulted in him toppling to the floor, nearly braining himself on the dresser, and landing with a loud ‘ _oof!_ ’ He scrambled up again, hurriedly wiping his face, and asked “W-What are _you_ doing here?”

Perry had shot forward to try to catch him, but halted, torn. This was obviously a sensitive moment, not a time Heinz wanted to be seen. Should he go? He looked at his nemesis’s hurt face, and made a decision.

_What’s wrong?_ he signed, taking a hesitant step forward. He kept his hands raised in a placating manner after asking, approaching his friend and enemy as if approaching a wounded animal.

And Heinz acted much the part. He shrunk away from the gesture, eyes darting from Perry’s hands to his eyes and away again. “N-Nothing, it’s _noth_ ing Perry, just, just go away, I’m _fine_.”

Perry churred, disbelieving. He took another step closer, hands still out. He moved them briefly to sign _I don’t believe you. Try again_ , then held them out, palms open. An invitation.

Heinz seemed torn. He lurched forward then caught himself, shrinking back again. He glanced at the doorway behind Perry, fidgeting with the edge of the sheet in his lap. Biting his lip, he looked down, and Perry thought he saw another tear slip down his face.

“I-It’s _nothing_ , really, just some, some mental stuff I’ve been dealing with lately,” he said, twisting the sheet even more between his hands. “Just some _little_ stuff, really, just loneliness and failure, _really_ , the usual. Nothing worth _you_ fretting over. You can just go home, don’t worry about _me_ , Perry the Platypus.”

Taking the final step closer, Perry steeled himself and reached out. Heinz gasped when fingers tilted his chin up to meet kind brown eyes, obviously not expecting the gesture. Perry removed his hand only to sign _But you’re my friend. Of course I worry about you_ , before pulling Heinz into a gentle hug.

And the dams broke. Suddenly the secret agent held an armful of sobbing mad scientist, and Heinz was clinging to his teal suit, wrinkling the fabric. Perry didn’t care, and pulled the man into a tighter hug, rubbing his back as he rode the wave of sadness out.

After a few minutes, the tears tapered off enough for Heinz to scoot back and wipe his face. He sniffed, rubbing idly at the wet spot he left on Perry’s suit jacket, before seeming to catch what he was doing and wrench his hand away. “ _Sorry!”_

_ It’s okay. _

Heinz sighed, leaning on the edge of the bed and staring hard at the wall. “Are you _really_ sure you want to know, Perry the Platypus? It’s an awfully _sad_ backstory, and it’s not even a full _back_ story yet!”

Perry nodded, smiling encouragement.

Heinz sighed again and bowed his head, then began. “I am not as _much_ of an idiot as everything would lead you to believe, Perry. I know all my -inators are stupid, and I _know_ they will all fail and be thwarted by you, then I’ll simply clean up and next day, start _again!_ That’s the way things work between us; always has, always _will_. But _lately_ , I noticed something else about this _charade_ we play.”

He gestured widely. “I noticed that it’s all so _pointless!_ I build and you thwart, I _build_ , you _thwart_. Doesn’t it ever get _boring?_ Especially with such a weak and useless nemesis like _me?_ ”

Perry started to sign something, but Heinz interrupted him, still on his tirade. “I mean, you could have someone _cool_ , someone worth your skills and abilities as a secret _agent_ , but instead, you get _me_. Boring old, stupid old, _me_. _Me_ , who can’t even build something that challenges you as an agent, that always _loses_ and _blows up_ and has to start over from _scratch_ after barely a battle, who always comes up with the _lamest_ ideas on the _planet!_ You’re so _amazing_ , and you’re stuck with _me!”_

Tears were falling freely again by the end of his rant, but they went unnoticed. Perry had more important things to do, which included snatching Heinz’s hands in his own and glaring at him. When he calmed down enough to properly look at Perry, the agent pulled back his hands and started signing.

_ You are wrong. _

“But-”

Perry slapped a hand over his mouth, glare deepening. After a nod of confirmation, he started again. _You are wrong_ , he said. _You are the most brilliant, talented, and most devoted man I have ever known. You come up with these amazing schemes, these complex and physics-defying inventions, and no matter how many times I beat you, you have never given up. Until now. And I am here to tell you not to give up now, no matter what your head tells you, because you are still the cleverest man I know, and I know that fire within you is still there. You could rule the world someday, with how smart and dedicated to evil you are, not just the Tristate Area. And though I am here to keep that from happening, I am not here to diminish that fire._

Heinz was crying again by the end of this, but for completely different reasons. He almost tackled Perry in a fierce hug, squeezing the life out of him with his surprisingly strong, weedy-looking arms. Perry chuckled at his enthusiasm.

“Thank you so _much_ , Perry the Platypus,” he murmured into Perry’s shoulder after a moment. “You don’t know how much I _needed_ that.”

Perry chuckled again. _No, but I know how much_ I _needed it_ , he thought, but kept it to himself.

They stayed in that embrace for awhile, until Heinz sat back. "You want some coffee?" he asked. "I feel like we need some coffee. or maybe something  _stronger._ " 

_It's almost nine in the morning,_ he signed, smirking. 

"Eh, it feels like that kinda day." Heinz stood, a bit unsteadily, but with a hand from his nemesis he steadied himself and smiled. "C'mon, I have your  _favorite_ kind of bourbon~" 

Perry laughed silently as he got up and followed the doctor out the bedroom door. 

**Author's Note:**

> i dont fully like this ending but again w hatever


End file.
